I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
