i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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