It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
