omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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