my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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