one might say we're banned from that church
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
