There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
