We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
