Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
please don't ironically join a cult
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