can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
