i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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