Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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