what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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