That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
