I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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