That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
