There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
