hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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