yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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