Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
