i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
