so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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