guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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