i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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