fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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