Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
