Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
