We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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