I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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