My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you never un-have a 4some
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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