I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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