She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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