remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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