Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize