he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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