I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
