Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My feet surprised me
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