I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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