I just pynch a tree in the face
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
