Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize