Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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