Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
