Christians are straight up FREAKS
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
