I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize