We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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