I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
