No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
