Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
