if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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