i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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