He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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