He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
