he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
