Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
