I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My penis needs a shock collar
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
