how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
