Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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