96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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