someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just google imaged poop.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
