My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
