i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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