Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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