I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
