I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
