Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
