So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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