so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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