easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
