So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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