She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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