In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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