Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
