i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
