And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
