can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
lets start a swedish sibling band together
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
