I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
