This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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