so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
