I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
