when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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