So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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