Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
